January 25th 2018: I pay for a pair of thosefor a young bratty woman I knew from high school and only just found on Twitter the previous day she was even on Twitter. https://www.amazon.co.uk/LADIES-WOMENS-STRETCH-LEATHER-Stretch/dp/B00CLQUCG8/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8
The Shoe Debacle
Bad luck. I asked her in email if I could buy them and she took the website down after insisting they weren’t for sale, turns out they were until she found out I wanted them.
You couldn’t resist, could you? Now, you’ve ruined it!
Remember when I gave you a £15 amazon voucher as a little prize once? Wanna return the favor?
You maniac! Must be dirt broke, then?
Don’t pretend you actually care, it’s not like you really wanted those shoes that badly or you surely would have bought them. All hope isn’t lost, email her and tell her you saw the photos of them in her private gallery on Adultwork (she won’t know if you’re lying or not) and ask her if she’ll do you some custom pics of them. She MIGHT agree or maybe not.
Oh yeah, not suspicious at all. Some random dude asks to buy shoes for which there is no listing, cos he just saw them in some obscure private gallery that has nothing to do with selling shoes.
And I’m not broke at all, just asking if you fancy being courteous and doing something nice for me like I did when I gave you £15. And I’m only talking £4 so not even a third of what I gave you.
Why would you want £4 from me? Ridiculous! No, I don’t fancy it! lmfao
You can’t even find it in your heart to give me a measly £4 after I gave you £15? And yeah I know it’d be suspicious and she’d probably think it was me using a fake email address and name.
Boots
Those ones in the goddess Ciara tweet are crap.
Too dainty and feminine for your tastes, I suppose.
I’ve only just seen chapter 2, I’ll read it later when I get more free time. Working hours mean I have limited spare time at the moment. I quickly glanced at it though and see what you did there though I think, using a fictional character I have an affinity for for your own personal gain by trying to get me to imagine her telling me that I owe you money. Clever.
Chapter One: The Intrusion
Thump! Thump! Thump!
Billy and his mother looked across at each other… Someone was at the door; Banging; Aggressive. His mother looked worried. Billy seemed more concerned that his Emmerdale Omnibus was being interrupted by this intrusion.
Billy’s mother got up from the pummelled and sunken sofa, that festered in the kitchen, absorbing the wreak of burnt grease from economy frozen woffles. She shuffled across the yellowing linoleum floor through one of those pattern-glass doors that working class people have in their chintzy living areas. Billy stayed put… Answering doors is for grownups; Proper people. He creeped the volume down on his Emmerdale to listen as a butch female voice hollered through the letterbox, “Mr Billster! Bailiff! Here to collect what you owe!”
Billy’s mother, in her octogenarian confusion and naiveté, opened the front door, “Bailiff? What?”
The stern voice, “Afternoon mam. I need to speak to a Mr Billster.”
“Billster?”, quivered Billy’s mother, “No, no Billster here.”
BILLSTER! Bilmeister general! I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE!”
Billy’s mother protests and resists. Billy, hiding in the living room, hears a scuffle and the rattling of the door as this mystery female barges in and charges past his mother. Suddenly, she’s there, colossal and menacing, glaring at Billy. Shrivelled into his seat in front of the telly, his little legs not quite reaching the floor, Billy can scarce believe… It’s that old bruiser, Tracy off of Emmerdale; Kimberley Walsh’s ugly sister.
He’s paralysed with fear, but also thrilled and flattered that a lady was in his house; That someone was actually looking for him; That someone would actually give a fuck about him.
Chapter 2: The Debt
Tracy’s respect for Billy seems to whither even further on seeing his diminutive, mousy demeanour. Her own anxiety subsides as she realises how harmless this whole situation is.
She makes occasional, obligatory eye-contact with Billy, as if he were barely worth her time, “I’m here to collect the bill for…” She reads off a document, “500 hours of Dysmorphia-Cognative-Actuation Catharsis Therapy. Totalling £5,000. To be paid by shortarsebilly to DCACT Services.”
Billy’s mother peeps over Tracy’s shoulder, her eyes full of confusion and shock, “What’s that? What therapy? Billy? What is she talking about?”
Both women give Billy a chance to explain.
Billy, in his tiny voice, “On the internet…”
“The internet?” Billy’s mother takes a closer look at the document. She tries to make sense of it. Billy’s palms begin to sweat and he steals that tiny pause to savour Tracy’s aroma – Her perfume mingles with her natural scent. So unlike that of his menopausal mother, Billy thinks to himself. Tracy’s leather jacket, too, offers a luxuriant aroma – Animal, robust, exotic. A sadness has seeped into the marrow of Billy’s bones that such delights are so absent from his life experience.
“What is this Dismorfa cog… thing therapy? Billy? What is it? And what have you gotten into?”
“A man I talk to online… A great man… He has been helping me.”
Tracy chips in, “Yes, and you knew all along that his services would cost you. You owe this great man £5,000 for all his hard work and time.”
Billy’s mother looks confused and helpless, “This is crazy! You silly boy. Silly Billy! Why?! Why can’t you be a normal, proper man? This family has enough to deal with without you being a burden.”
Billy is mute now, with shame, tipping his head, transfixed by Tracy’s Doc Martens. Tracy smirks at the pitiful display.
“Well, I’m not paying this.” Billy’s mother snaps, “This is your mess. You’re gonna have to work it off – A second job, maybe. A real job, really – Be a man and get a better job than that supermarket, like a damn kid.”
“What’s this bit?” She points at the document, “To be settled in monies or equivalent services.” She looks to Tracy for clarification.
“That’s right.” Tracy says, while looking Billy up and down, “Shortarse can opt to settle his debt with his time and services if the monetary funds are unavailable.”
Billy and his mother turn to each other.
“I can see you’re both having trouble coming up with an immediate solution to this debt and that you need time to think about it, but I have an idea Billy regarding how you can earn the money to pay off the money you owe.” Tracy says with a wry smile on her face.”You can come and work for me whilst juggling your little oven scrubbing job; bringhing me breakfast in bed and cleaning my boots and if you say you wouldn’t love that then you are a liar.”
to be continued…
This shit is doing weird shit and keeps restoring an old version and losing all my edits and paragraphs and shit, the bloody shitting bollock!
+
Tracy Shankley grinning gif 
Homework
http://personality-testing.info/tests/VIQT/
I’ve just seen this today, and at the time of me writing this I have to go to work for an afternoon shift. I’ll complete the test tomorrow.
Incase you’re wondering, my raw score on the test was 20.55 which converts to an IQ score of 94. I got 23 questions correct and 7 wrong, and honestly I did not cheat either.
Your master’s IQ is too high to be measured by that test:
Taller than you as well….. so, just better. Innit?
Yeah because you just googled the obscure words that nobody ever actually uses in real life that were in the test to find out which ones meant the same thing.
I know you’re taller than me. It’s the cold hard truth that I’m a short man, in the bottom percentile for men in the UK(google it) and that soo many women are taller than me by a couple of inches too. It hurts so bad I don’t want to go outside some days. But it’s ok because I have all the tabletop games of the last 40 odd years to take my mind off my problems.
http://www.darkshire.net/jhkim/rpg/encyclopedia/ (Not a complete list by any means)
What do you actually DO with all these games? I mean, you don’t seem to actually play them. Which is the best?
1.Hello again. I don’t actually own every single game listed on that site, not even a quarter of them. I just look at the books and the artwork and imagine what it’d be like to have a group of friends who were also interested in gaming that I could have an actual game with. What’s the “best” game to me obviously could be different to what you’d like.
I don’t really have a favorite tabletop RPG or boardgame or card game. I try to make myself like every game I read about for some reason, and get worried if I read negative reviews about games, especially negative reviews about RPGs. So I think to myself “Well if someone had the will to, they could take that product and fix anything that I didn’t like about it. So in essence, in I find a product that I have my doubts about, I imagine what a “perfect version” of that product would be like and pretend that it really exists.
As an example, can you recall me showing you Atlas Games’ 1990 Ars Magica 2nd/3rd edition supplement called The Sorcerer’s Slave? Here’s a link to it on Scribd: https://www.scribd.com/document/287509746/Ars-Magica-The-Sorcerer-s-Slave
Obviously it’s only an adventure book, there aren’t any game rules/systems in there to try to find anyquibbles with (if there was they could be houseruled anyway to my desire) I don’t mind this product, the adventure itself is “solid and complete” and the cover art and interior maps are fine, but the interior drawings of buildings and architecture are of disgustingly bad quality. The first on page 12 isn’t terrible, I could accept that, but the ones on pages 17 and 26 are painful to look at. So my solution for the anxiety I might experience from this product not being “perfect” in the art department is to imagine the bad art isn’t really there, just ignore it. Or ask my cousin who’s very good at drawing to erase them out and redraw them so that they still resemble what the bad art is supposed to be, but make it look good…. if you see what I mean.
2. Feng Shui: the action movie RPG would probably be at the top of my list of best ever tabletop games though, even though there are systems that simulate cinematic action movie fight scenes with less “hassle” Who doesn’t like action movies?
Game over, man!
At least he got to do what he loved for a fine living. My whole life is a lie. I regret everything and I’m powerless to speak the truth. The cosmos always surprises us with its cruelty and emptiness. And look at you, wasting your best years scrubbing chicken ovens and cry-wanking the pain away cos you’re too defeated by shortarsedness to believe you could make your life better.
I’ve only just seen this. Why exactly is your whole life a lie and one big regret? What truth? I know I’m wasting my prime days in this dead end job but I’m afraid of change, trying to search for a “better” job is too scary. I’m dead set in the job i have I think. It’s not even that unbearable.
It is sad to watch these old movies and think to yourself “I wonder if he’s still alive anymore. I wonder what that person is doing right now. Where are these people now? Once they are dead, you can go anywhere on earth and you’ll never find them. They don’t exist anymore, and if they weren’t famous nobody would even know they were once here except less than the 0.000001 percent of the human population who knew them when they were alive.
And I know I could take proactive steps to make my life better same as you could. Would it be fair to say that what you said about my shortarsedness could apply to you with respect to your baldness?
Is all this really about your dad?
Is all of what really about my dad? That happening probably made me, I can’t think of the words to describe it, maybe more aware of how much people take the people they care about for granted. I’m here today, typing this, later on today I could be gone and I’ll just be a memory to the few people who know me until they’re all dead and then it’ll be like I was never even here. obviously that’s the case with just about everyone who’s alive in the present moment and the billions and billions who were here in the past.
Btw I’ll just share with you a photo of Tracy’s sexy bum.
Working class arse.
“Please don’t empty my bank account Tracy. I won’t be able to pay my rent, I’ll be evicted and kicked out on the streets and will have to scavenge dirty food from the skips”
Is Billster Dead?
🙂 Nope I’m not dead. I haven’t logged into this blog since before Christmas day 2016. I don’t know why but I felt like I wanted to take a break. Have you thought about me since we last spoke? When you’ve seen the day through and night falls and you’re alone with your own mind? Obviously you have and if you were that concerned about my status you have my number and email, you could have tried to get in touch.
How was Christmas for you? Did you enjoy yourself, or see family/friends you have not seen for a while maybe? Or did you have a similar day as me; having to pretend you were enjoying yourself and smile for the audience when you opened your presents, and sigh when thumbing through the TV mag at how crap the typical xmas day TV is?
I was gonna come on on Christmas day and post something but thought better of it, not sure why.
If you had been dead, I wouldn’t risk trying to get in contact in case I got implicated in your suicide.
I managed to avoid all the usual compulsory phone calls and bullshit with family and friends. Just the perfunctory gift opening and parents nagging that there isn’t more joy and ceremony to it all. Even spent new years eve alone – Bliss.
Never rely on tv for Christmas entertainment. I download a load of movies.
I suppose Christmas is a chance for you to have a brief respite from dwelling on your shortarsedness. Still, back to wretched normality now. If only you were tall like Calum Best – The tarts in the Big Brother house are round him like flies around dogshit.
Both just as much of a loser as each other, right? No wonder we’ve known each other this long., it’s like destiny meant to bring us together or something. BTW can you please help me with something? There was an old post on this blog that had an Amy Walsh gif on, can you find it?
Update: I’ve found the Gif I was referring to in the above paragraph. I’ve been thinking that with this blog now being over 2 years old (!!!) why don’t we make a unanimous decision about which posts we’d like to keep AND delete all the others and maybe start afresh? A new blog that actually has intellectually interesting and thought provoking content as opposed to the juvenile pic posting and “do you think she’s hot, do you like her”
When have you ever contributed anything “intellectually interesting and thought provoking”?
Never. When have you ever posted anything that we both find interesting either. Did you hear about what happened to Bill Paxton? All of the movie stars I was fond of when I was a child, they’re all old now and they’re slowly dying one by one. No matter where on earth you go you will never find them once they’re gone.
chatstep
https://chatstep.com/#billster
I’ve found your dream girl:
What the hell is this shit? Oh and you never come in to the chat step room you made for me. I kind of found my “dream woman” , at least in the physical sense a long time ago: https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Cvx6S-jXEAYvQMj.jpg:large
How long has it been now?
I mean since we first got to know each other? I miss our chats. You never are in the chatstep room you set up.
Yeah, cos I got a fucking job type thing. No real pay but all the hours.
This job type thing you’ve mentioned, what exactly is it? Are you actually employed? You said something about working for your parents on a project or something. Why work all the hours god sends if you’re not getting any real pay?
Youtube Pretend Friends
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you like this guy?
Don’t know because I didn’t watch the video, and that snapshot below doesn’t really inspire me to invest 5 minutes, let alone 1 hour and 3 minutes of my time in it.
Dad-bods
I got booted from the chat room for talking about dad-bods.
Right then Billy, your master has told you that you have £8,000 of outstanding debt to pay, so you had best start looking for a full time job. Imagine it’s me that you’re going to work for, you don’t want to disappoint me, do you? there’s a good boy.
Billy 
